The CranialBioSphere

STREET FIGHT real martial arts

2009-07-27T21:26:00.001-04:00

Fun times.

NIKKYU achieved!

2009-06-27T16:43:00.002-04:00

Adv. of the Galaxy Rangers Music Video

2009-01-12T19:08:00.001-05:00

Just because it's hot.

TriBoro Tales are up an running

2008-12-01T17:57:00.001-05:00

go check it out.

Pressure

2008-11-24T10:33:00.007-05:00

Life steps in the way sometimes.
Friendships fade and renew.
Dreams fade and get reinvigorated.
“What’s with the platitudes?” you ask.
Well an annual event between some of my closest dear friends, ne family, almost came to a standstill because of rumor and the rumors of war. I will neither summarize nor identify the parties-[although it’s safe to say I may be a perpetrator; I do, after all believe in appropriate social transparency]. However, the rumors of war are worth investigating as an abstract. Those pernicious sometimes scintillating viral emics that can undo the most carefully laid plan or friendship.
Group dynamics as miniscule as band and as large as “global” have its own distinct network of communicating ideas, some large—multimedia, some traditional – word of mouth, some underground – fanzines. Then there’s the uber traditional uber organic method: the gathering of clansmen [and women] who annually break bread and well… talk shit.
Talking shit is at once humanity’s greatest triumph and defeat. Yeah, I know “hyperbole!” you scream. And well yes it is. I stand accused. But break it down to brass tacks… how many lives have been destroyed by the Mata-Hari-loose-lips-sink-ships? But alas, we are not spies and the weight of the world does not rest on our shoulders. For the most part, we lead normal urban middleclass lives replete with rent, mortgages, education concerns and [for me at least] the reparation of credit debt.] Our actions will not break the world. For fuck’s sake we still read comics. [There’s nothing wrong with that… Neil Gaiman’s Sandman got me through law school.]
At times we believe it’s the force intrusion of the emic that destroys our lives, yet if we look at the core, investigate the context of the rumor; we may realize a greater truth.
“How now, Brown Cow?” again you ask.
The proof’s in the pudding.
During an impromptu, transparent review and discussion into the various rumors that have fueled our present war, and by impromptu, I mean balls-retracting-into ones-stomach-cold-as-fuck-late-Sunday-night-in the street, impromptu, those same friends, ne brothers, and I each came upon a personal realization. Quite simply, we struggle. Every day. Every moment with the image of ourselves and the way we are viewed, especially amongst each other. We gauge our success in relation to each other. We struggle with our “selves” and our circumstances. At times and during review, we may disapprove of how we each respond to our circumstances and we discuss this approval amongst one another… we dish dirt…, we trade gossip…, in short, we talk shit! Yet at the drop of a hat, if anyone of those guys or their families needs any thing, they need not ask… Heaven and Earth will be moved.

Unfortunately, the initial sting of the words, the intersection of that emic, forces us to react in an emotionally cumbersome manner. I’ve been there: recipient and perpetrator. After the dust settled I’ve always meditated on the affect and searched for that kernel of truth, deciphering beyond the smoke and mirrors, pulling back the curtain to study the wizard in his true form. The truth has always been… and will probably always be revealed to be a failing of my character.The precursor to our reactions are pressure, those personally and externally imposed. Pressure creates diamond or maintains coal. It’s all in how you deal with the release of such pressure.

I find those lessons priceless. In the end, all else is nothing but rumors and the rumors of war.

Marvel Universe NYC Star Maps

2008-11-22T10:52:00.002-05:00

You've been Obamnated!

2008-11-06T17:28:00.001-05:00

Enough said.

Why I now Like Sylar: An argument in favor of Super-Powered Sociopaths

2008-11-03T10:40:00.008-05:00

So, I’ve been following this little known show, Heroes for the past two-and-a-half years and I have to say it’s been pretty fucking good. Every single episode leaves you screaming: ”GODDAMN IT-WHAT-THE-FUCK!?!” The first season was phenomenal, although the first show almost lost me as a viewer. I couldn’t get pass the cultural stereotype of Hiro Nakamura , despite immediately alighting to the nod advanced to Neal Stephenson’s adventurous tongue-in-cheek good guy-Hiro Protagonist.[Pen ultimately, in pop sci-fi, the best name provided to illustrate the character’s literary element… Alfred Bester’s Gully Foyle.] The Star Trek references , though appreciated, served as accoutrement to Hiro’s geekified stereotype of what a real- American [to use the McCain-Palin parlance] views of a young Japanese male: sexless, odd mannered and infatuated with speculative fiction.

By episode two, I was like, “ this show is hot.” I don’t know if it was the vivisectioning of Claire and I’m not sure what that says about me as a person, but I was drawn in. The story threads were linking up as we followed Peter and his ambitious brother Nathan, Parkman, Suresh, Nikki, and our own loveable sociopath, Sylar.

Gabriel Gray cum Sylar is the personification of decadent evil. A bit more than a siphon of human emotion, Sylar is a genetic thief, violently stealing the gifts, powers, of his awakened adversaries; and make no mistake, everyone with a power worth having is an adversary. Even the guy who can melt toasters into liquid goop.

I’m gonna jump right into Season three, Villians. Sure it’s running slow. It’s a lukewarm. It comes off as less inspired as the “Genesis” or “Generations” And yes, it reads like all of the worst of Chris Claremont in the eighties. [I fucking went there! All you X-Men heads represent] Really, Mr. Kring, did you think we wouldn’t notice parallels between the Petrelli boys and the Summers brothers, really? Beneath the depths of its contrived story threads, chief among them the promiscuous wanderings of the Petrelli clan, the emotional vulnerability of Claire’s Tin-Man, if only I had a heart to feel; and the Brundel-fly transformation of Mohinder, lies the exploration of Sylar. While Hiro and his trusty side kick Ando (C3PO) serve as the overarching synecdoctal archetype for Joseph Campbell’s heroic journey.

In this season Sylar has taken on the role of the awakened hero called to action. “Villians” is Sylar’s story, his time to change, shifting from sociopath to a kinder-gentler-I’d-drink-a-beer-with-him-kind-of sociopath. A sociopath worth watching and anticipating, unlike Bush’s executive office.

The resurrection of the Petrelli patriarch as a power leech is an excellent of not easily read political statement on the excess of the rich and it’s detriment on the poor. The consumption of communal resources individually outweighing the needs of the majority poor speaks loudly especially in light of the middleclass bailout of the elite. [And these fuckers aren’t even flinching. They stole our money and are enjoying luxurious vacations as a result.] The Petrelli progeny are no different, they just siphon the resources in their own way… Peter absorbs it without taking much [he’s green that way]; Sylar outright ham fistedly takes it; Nathan aspires to control it. This interpretation holds if you’re some Marxist-Scoialist-Commie-Obama-Palin conservative, (notice the small “c” as in the word as an adjective not a political noun)Government loving redistributionist of wealth with a hard-on for injecting socio-political commentary into a harmless television show depicting men and women flying but not in tights. (I’m just saying.)

The audience needed someone scarier, more despicable and less redeemable than Sylar. And we did we get… Robert Forster, who by the way is phoning in his performance (yes, I agree Jamal). But teleconferenced in or not, half of Robert Forster is well… better than no Robert Forster at all. It’s a shame Eric Roberts is not back, he made a hell of a fucked-up PrimaTech enforcer when not doing bad Akon music videos.

Forster’s big daddy Petrelli vastly overshadows Sylar in the badass-evil department and helps to paint Sylar in sympathetic If not physically vulnerable light; while not forgetting the highly manipulative momma Petrelli tugging at Sylar’s heartstrings. If which I must harkens back to the eighties to pull out this sweet little expression: EAT THE RICH!. The Petrellis are one fucked-up family, with the exception of the emo-I-must-save-the-cheerleader-who’s-undeniably-hot-yet-my-sister-and-I-still-wanna-hit-that-seven-different-ways-to-Sunday-but-can’t-and-because-of-so-I’m-conflicted-Peter Petrelli.

But screw Peter, power-no powers, and my money’s on Sylar who has just begun his heroic Journey to discover himself, Gabriel Gray. Won’t it be interesting if just like Ed Norton’s character in Primal Fear, Gabriel Gray never existed. I just got one thing to say to Sylar…

“GET’EM!!!!”

Dirty Pool

2008-10-07T16:42:00.003-04:00

Here it is, the specter of brilliance overcasting eight years of governmental/social/cultural appropriating, eclipsing four hundred years of oppression, providing a beacon of hope, even in the event of ultimate failure and America still doesn’t get it.

Yes there is a serious chance that the next President of the United States may in fact be African-American [although I’m okay with identifying him as black]. Yes, he ran tough, some may even say painful campaign against an opponent with a strong sense of entitlement, and yes he did it without so much as playing dirty pool.

However, what is left for governance, it seems like the Bush Administration is having a fire sales with American infrastructure. They’ve already dug in and damn near destroyed our superstructure, the societal operating system that helps us forma cohesive shared system of beliefs in our space or spaces as is the case, here in America. The United States are spokes in the wheel that is America, which in turn creates the image of who we are. The American image is on sale and has been for some time now. We haven’t paid attention because…, well… most of us haven’t come to the realization that our beliefs in our country, our people, in ourselves are priceless. So while they’re looting the image…, our understanding of ourselves, no matter how commercial, remained untouched like the free floating Clarke-ian obelisk, Neribu, two galaxies away on a 3,600 Earth-year trajectory. But now… the amorphous “they” have their hands in the public coffers. Arguably, most transparently this began in March, 2003 with the declaration of Bush’s revenge campaign in the Central Asian theatre. We were sold this campaign as a fight for our “freedoms,” “terrorism” and “creation of democratic States”; despite the fact that GW Bush was adamantly anti-nation building. Contradictory and self-serving ideology aside, American blood and money was being spend for somewhat “noble” good. We sucked it up like a bukakke porn-star at a fraternity-hosted barbeque.

Now that the financial market has fell wide open, the stock market is in peril, investment banks are losing their shirts and while they’re at it: your and mine as well. And this all happened because they were loaning out money to people who couldn’t afford it, with interest rates bordering on usary and then selling the interest value—the credit principal of those loans to other financial entities at home and abroad thus creating a shell game, or if you the criminal element metaphor disturbs your delicate sensibilities…, they created a house of cards built on credit yet not paid but will, speculatively, be paid at a later amorphous date. A house with no base is sure to crumble in a storm. Credit is given on the condition that the debtor will either be able to pay in the future or has access to resources t o cover its debt. No resources, no base, the house falls.

Is it appropriate to say…”fuck you and yo’ couch of a shitty business model, you pathetic predatory parasitical fungal excuse of a human being.” You made your bed now lay in it. Funny thing I mention humanity. Financial institutions are corporations in whatever structure they choose to minimize liability and taxes. As such they are treated as individual legal bodies. Do we look at these “people” and demand they show common courtesy, respect [ne’ fiduciary respect] to his/her neighbors? Do we call out their behavior and question their humanity or do we recognize them for what they are… dangerous sociopaths who pose a threat to our civil society. Do we say…, go screw, file chapter 11. You made it hard for ordinary Americans to mitigate personal debt, why should we help you? “Fuck off.” Or in response to your cynical pleas for assistance, in answer we quote P-Diddy,”No bitchassness!”

No. We.. or let’s be candid, the Bush Adminsitration and it’s cronies, bail out these bastard with an $810 billion dollar financial package over a two year period, renewable for 1 year upon consent. We’ve rewarded guile and greed and deceptiveness and waste. We’ve also been robbed. The administration has jammed its hands into our pockets in a most blatant fashion. Not unlike having a shifty guy in a hoodie with one hand hold a gun, digging into your pockets with the other hand all the while menacing, “ Run your shit--bitch, run it!”

This grab is a transparent grab at the American treasure chest. Naomi Wolf, prominent feminist writer turn civil libertarian lays out a 10 step plan potential dictators use to move democratic nations towards fascist Statehood; she posits that the government has just experience a bloodless coup de tat. [For a really nice presentation go here.] Call her a nutjob. Wail at Senator , who claims that Martial Law was threatened if the bail out packaged didn’t pass and we’re left with unmitigated suspicion that the people in charge do not care about us. Or if you think in solsiplistic terms, they do not care about you. They do not care nor support American ideal And quite frankly, would accept you like they would a warm wet fart.

Not to be alarmist, but we’re got some serious shit to contend with. The wolf’s at the door and he’s huffing and puffing. Will you let him blow the house in? Because surely, you won’t let him in the by the hairs of his chinny-chin-chin.

I would suggest approaching the wolf at the door with already having reinforced your house rather than be taken by the whims of a predator. Forewarned is forearmed. Figure out what’s true for you and make preparations for yourself. These may be simply educating yourself and voting and staying economically vigilant. This may be saying, "fuck it," battering up the hatches and digging in for a long superstructural and infrastructural occupancy.

Or…., you can just walk softly and carry a big stick.

… But in this day and age, forthright honesty and soft protective measures based on intelligence is just dirty pool.

Favorite Food Songs

2008-10-04T19:56:00.001-04:00

From the creative team behind Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog. Drunken singing about beef pickle tacos.

Opinions are like...

2008-10-03T15:54:00.011-04:00

Blog entries can be solipsistic. Look at me, I'm sharing, ne' imposing my opinion, casting my voice into the abyss of banality and electronic chatter. Opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one. I know my shit smells as bad as yours, maybe even worse. That's the difference between most of us. There are those that recognize the quality of their own shit and those that refuse, delude or recluse themselves from their shit.

While we're on the subject of feces I'll jump right into the vice presidential debates. No direct disrespect meant. I still have a guarded respect for the political process, what I am not keen on is the cynical discourse being used to package a party that caters to the rich and corporate interest but with the rehearsed Texan accent on the one hand and the wink and nod on the other, we're fed the line that the elephant in the room, a maverick hockey mom, a self confessed pitbull with lipstick, is really running to protect conservative American ideals and not the interests of the oil lobby and nutjob fundie-freaks that believe Adam rode dinosaurs hunting mastodons and Eve tended the rock formation house, reared the furry cubs and tended the garden outside Eden. On the weekends, Adam would roast Brontosaurus burgers and pterodactyls wings for his fellow homo-habs. Adam, while congenial and far from being an uptight eugenicist, didn't socialize with the cro-mags. It's beneath him and his buddies.

Dicta aside, I'm done with the political paradigm we find ourselves stuck in this self referencing school of thought that panders to the lowest common denominator. [You choose which class structural branch that represents.] Anyone with a solid eighth grade education can understand the basics of American society: political and social. As we know one informs the other. While it's good to relate to our leaders one should be aware that there are circumstances when that's not needed. Barack Obama is African-American and I can related to how a son of an immigrant has worked his way through our social structure to graduate college and become and organizer, an attorney and teacher. However, there are differences, Obama was a corporate attorney; I worked for a legal services organization. In the realm of legal elitism, corporate lawyer trumps legal services, although I think that assumption is bullshit. Obama was a national organizer while I was local and vacilitated between organizing and activism. Lastly, Obama was a Constitutional Law Professor. Me, I corral 13-16 year-olds and force feed reading and writing skills at a NYC public school. While our experiences are similar, mine do not share the same professional and social capital as Obama's varied resume announces. I am not running for the highest office in the country. I am simply content to sit in my corner of the world and write my little stories, disabuse my students, pester my close friends and continue my passive-aggressive struggle with dating. Quite frankly that shit's enough. Let alone trying to be the leader of the free world, as we so brazeningly refer to the head office. I have to go with Bill Maher, I want my President to be a lot smarter than me. I don't mind my governmental leaders to be a little elitist, it means they'll get the job done. What's wrong with wanting the best. I mean really... is it important that you like the president as a person because s/he appears that they'll most likely have a beer with you? Really?

Remember Barbara Bush's response to the relocate New Orleans citizens:

What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them.

Clearly the apple did not fall far from the tree.... And most of her son's working class base believed he was just like them and most likely to grab a drink unlike the drab sterile guy who married the Ketchup Queen.

Two things I got from the debate: The lipsticked pitbull wants to increase the Vice presidential. Beyond that of Dick Cheney, is that possible? [Her argument that the VP is legislative in design and NOT executive is laughable. Note: review Article I of the Constitution, it lays out the designation and powers. If you're too lazy.... the VP spot is executive in nature and it's powers are subject to Congressional review.] The pink elephant really doesn't know how to answer a question and in so doing... it shows there is much behind the empty rhetoric. Oh, my erstwhile roommate pointed out during the debates that the red ribbon was blinking at least 36 times per minute which suggests she was lying because apparently we blink about 22 times per minute, any activity beyond betrays mental activity, in this case lying. I'm not sure on this, but he can be a deeper geek than I so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

In any event, I am troubled by the elephant base. I think I'll stay bi coastal as an American. And for those of you reading this blog with a feminist lens, note I have not referred to the Republican VP candidate by name but colorful [red] objects because she has yet to present herself as a person. So far all I've seen is a prefabricated image of what the Fundie fringe wants in the executive office. And while I'm on the subject of feminism... it's fuck frustrating to see that she's being hemmed in and controlled by her party. The most recent interview with McCain was disgusting. I was not happy watching her refer to him for constant approval.

Opinions are like assholes. Everyone's got one. Some of us wash them before we get the tossed salad. While others don't. Leaving us to smell their shit.

Very pretty

2008-08-15T21:50:00.001-04:00

enjoy the ass whup.

Great Job Jesse!

2008-07-04T12:09:00.002-04:00

You did one thing right!

Star Wars Dance

2008-07-04T12:08:00.001-04:00

That's.just.Plain.Gay!

Christian The Lion - A Pet's Love Is Forever!

2008-06-30T01:22:00.001-04:00

okay... so it's cute and basically anathe,a to most of the vile vitriol and whatever other vociferous alliteration I'd use to describe my blog's content.

Stan Winston has left the building...

2008-06-16T17:15:00.005-04:00

Stan Winston, the special effects guru, passed away 6/15 last night. He was 62-years-old and leaves behind many sad professionals and fans alike.

Neil deGrasse Tyson - Stupid Design

2008-06-15T10:01:00.001-04:00

Funny critique on intelligent design.

fuck you and your office space

2008-06-03T06:58:00.001-04:00

Italian Spiderman Movie

2008-05-24T09:23:00.001-04:00

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BARACK

2008-05-06T16:27:00.001-04:00

Too Funny.

Boss Nigger Trailer

2008-04-29T17:41:00.001-04:00

Part legend, part devil... all man!

NYCComic Con

2008-04-21T22:36:00.008-04:00

The X-Files

The truth is out there. And so is irony.

Chris Carter and Frank Spotnick, the creative team behind the cult shows The X-Files, Millennium, The Lone Gunmen and Harsh Realms, unveiled the official trailer X-Files: I Want To Believe.

Last month the trailer was leaked, albeit a bad shaky, grainy bad telesync version. It was still enough to set the X-philers on the edge of orgasm.

The official, and dear I say clean, trailer features a frantic Fox Mulder in search of… Well, I don’t know. The trailer doesn’t say and nether would Carter nor Spotnick during the Q&A that followed the screening.

A few gems they did let go are (1) the film will be a stand-alone story, a creature-of-the-week episode in X-Files parlance; and (2) the story is promised to be more “intimate” and focus a little more on “Mulder and Skully’s relationship in a way you can do in a film and not on television. [We] can service more of the story.”

X-Files fans tend to be paranoid [trust no one] so when an audience member queried on whether the current neo-conservative political arena would be represented with in the film, Spotnick quickly answered,” X-Files is a not a political film nor is it political in nature.” Carter, however, had a different take: “The X-Files was closed [in the show] for political reasons. The show itself existed during a certain political environment and X-Files: I Want To Believe takes place in the current [time] we live in. I grew up during Watergate. You reap what you get if you believe what you read and see in the news. In the film there are similar things to worry about.”

So basically…, Mulder is taking time off from exposing the alien conspiracy to finding… who knows what while the truth behind the major political events in the past ten years languish. Who cares, it’s Mulder and Skully, all’s well with the world.

Featured Artists
Comic Conventions attract everyone from major comic book publishers to small kitchen sink press companies. The people who attend the convention are all, for the most part, good natured, friendly and excited about commercial sequential art. You gotta love watching four-feet-five green skinned Incredible Hulks, three-hundred-pound spidermen, transsexual Sailor moons and enough Naruto, Deathnote, Bleach anime fiends to make you wince, whistle and shudder all at once.

Some of the most interesting folks you meet are the independent comic creators like Jason Becker, creator of Hero Corps: The Rookie and Killing Pickman. Hero Corps is a take on the theme of following in your father’s footsteps. Following the death of a veteran superhero cop, Max takes the mantel of the Hammer, a powerful instrument that imbues its wielder with powerful strength and the ability to fly. The story takes place in the backdrop of a society over run with super-humans where the conflict of between those with powers and regular people clash. It is illustrated with affect by Greg Moutafis.

Another book to look out for is Killing Pickman, also by Becker. This tells the story of Richard Pickman, a religion obsessed serial killer playing a psychological cat-and-mouse with his arresting officer, Detective Zhu. Sounds cliché, right? Wrong. Becker weaves in a supernatural subplot that makes the reader question the responsibility of the child killing Pickman. Two issues in and I’m hooked. Both of these books are put out by Achaia Studios Press, an ambitious studio publisher that puts out great comics. http://www.aspcomics.com

Anime
Chuck Collins and Esteban Valdez have started their own anime content based website. I had a chance to speak to the two artist entrepreneurs and here’s their pitch: “We’re interesting in creating art’ movies where when you look at it, you connect as viewer; where when you see it five years later, you’re like where was I at that time in my life? The film still holds, that’s what you get with art.” Check out their website at http://enemyoftheindustry.com/.

For you gamers out there…

True Game Headz is a website dedicated to all things videogames. They cover any and all conceivable video game platforms from reviews to technical assistance. The site is all at once informative, entertaining and addictive. I spoke with Gerard Flannory, co-founder and creative director as he was running around taping the Con. “True Game Headz represents all of the gamers and provides a forum for video game media producers, especially urban producers to showcase their work and what’s happening in the gaming community.” Access the website at http://www.truegameheadz.com

The convention was awesome. I got to see alot of people I only get to see at cons and spent my time languishing over impossibly cool people and their t-shirts.

Goldfish

2008-04-15T21:23:00.001-04:00

A nice little student film based on Bendis' graphic novel.

Street Kings

2008-04-14T22:18:00.010-04:00

The trailer for Street Kings narrated by the throaty Don LaFontaine, or a reasonable facsimile, prepares us for an visual assault: “On the streets of LA every cops wants justice but how they get it is what sets them apart.” The action scrolled text assures us of the aforementioned beating: “Their city. Their rules, No prisoners.” Word on the proverbial “streets” was Street Kings was going to be a blown-up episode of The Shield with a lean handsome Keanu Reeves taking the place of a squat grizzled Michael Chiklis. Street Kings is far from scripted television and performs well as an action film prelim to the big blockbuster summer franchise film tent-poles we got coming to us this year!
From the opening we meet Detective Tom Ludlow, a veteran Anti-Gang investigator going through the motions as he wakes up [fully clothed] for his shift in the early evening shift. He’s on a liquid diet and reinforces that with a few hotel-sized bottles of vodka for his drive down a side street in Korea-town, Los Angeles where meets with two Asian Thugs.
“Konichi-wa!”
Ludlow greets these men, who waste no time explaining that to Koreans, being addressed in Japanese is offensive.
Strike one: Ludlow is insensitive.
Detective Ludlow opens his trunk and which stores an antiquated modified M156 Helicopter multi-armament mount machine gun.
Strike two: Ludlow is dirty. He’s selling guns retrieved from the LAPD evidence lock-up.
During the bad guys-bad cop banter on pricing and etiquette, Detective Ludlow assumes they are both Korean. When politically corrected that one gangster is Filipino while the other is Korean, Reeves delivers one of the sharpest lines I’ve heard in a while: “I can’t tell the difference, how can you? You all have eyes shaped like exclamation points; you dress White; you talk Black; and drive Jewish!”
Strike three: Tom Ludlow is a racist.
The gangsters dispatch a beat down worthy of righteous indignation even from a pair of sensitive gangsters.
The pay-off to this scene reveals the Asian thugs to be part of a Korean gang trafficking in under aged girls and child pornography. Detective Ludlow tracks the gang to their hideout and dispatches them with swift and blinding gun violence worthy of television’s Vic Mackey.
Street Kings story structure runs along the scheme of providing a series of set-ups with delayed and rewarding pay-offs. Ludlow is the target of an Internal Affairs investigation actually targeted at his mentor Superior, Captain Jack Wander, played by Forest Whitaker. Capt. Wander heads up a small Detective street team that boasts controversial if not successful arrests. Ludlow’s ex-partner, Detective Washington, once dirty but has seen the light has been identified as talking to Internal Affairs. On learning of this Ludlow attempts to confront Washington only to witness and by extension be implicated in his brutal murder by two gangbanging “Monsters” in an apparently staged robbery.
Forest Whitaker [Vantage Point, The Last King of Scotland, The Shield] gives a convincing performance as the father-figure-mentor with a hidden agenda. He’s more sheep in wolf’s clothing with a disarming smile. Keanu Reeves infuses Ludlow with stoic intensity as a man used to being a blunt object weapon now slowly becoming unraveled as he questions not only who but why he’s being made to kill.
The hip-hop artist Common [Smokin’ Aces, Wanted] puts forth a fine, if not frightening, performance of Coates, a serial killing County Sheriff with a bad drug problem. Hugh Laurie does a good turn in a small part as the conflicted Internal Affairs Chief on the heels of Reeve’s Ludlow.
Chris Evans [Fantastic Four, Sunshine, Nanny Diaries] puts in some time as a reluctant Detective charged with investigating Reeve’s character.
David Ayer is no stranger to the urban-cop genre as evidenced by his writer’s curriculum vitae: the acclaimed Training Day, followed by Dark Blue, SWAT and Harsh Times. In his second film as a director, Ayer continues to examine the themes of loyalty, honesty and the inevitability of justice defined through street culture. This is exhibited by Detective Alonzo’s downfall in Training Day, Sgt. Perry’s redemption in Dark Blue and Jim Luther Davis’ climatic demise in Harsh Times. Street Kings is no different. Ayer follows Reeve’s Ludlow through a constricting labyrinth of betrayal and disappointment. Street Kings succeeds where most director’s sophomore attempts languish, it stands out and gives the audience what it expects: an angry cop in an angry environment caught between individual ambiguous virtue and an overwhelming culture of corruption and deceit.
Ultimately, at its core, Street Kings is strictly paint by numbers urban drama that is elevated by decent acting and a director’s passion for the subject matter.

Street Kings
Written by James Ellroy and Kurt Wimmer and Jamie Moss. Story by James Ellroy.
Directed by David Ayer.

Unintentional blog: No More Mr. Nice Guy

2008-04-08T19:04:00.006-04:00

Yet another fine gem from an unintentional Craigslist Poster.

"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

Fuck you Williamsburg!

2008-03-31T20:08:00.002-04:00

A clever Craigslist.org posting I felt was apropos to Williamsburg.

Thanks, Mr.Hipster Record Store Clerk.

Date: 2008-02-26, 5:25PM PST

Dear Hipster Record Store Clerk,

Thank you for judging me on the CD I bought yesterday. Our passive-aggressive altercation made me realize how conformist I am for buying an old Rage Against The Machine album. Your condescension was just the intellectual wake-up call I needed.

I discovered a new me yesterday, and my eyes were opened in a new way. Thanks to you, I realize now that the key to enlightenment is reading Pitchfork, watching High Fidelity, listening to Velvet Underground, having a tattoo of a star on the inside of my wrist, growing an ironic mustache, living in the Mission, and wearing a too-small sweater, multi-colored 70’s ski-vest, chunky plastic-frame glasses, a high school sports T-shirt, air-tight black jeans, and Nixon-era Chuck Taylors.

I had it all wrong, man. You showed me that a skilled job and a comfortable living is just a lie. I need to go to art school, have my parents pay my rent, join a Joy Division-influenced band, and wait for a record deal, like you. I’m totally missing out in life.

So thanks again for mocking me. I mean, at first I thought you were just a pathetic, frustrated musician trying to feel better about yourself. But now I see you’re an uncompromising visionary.

No one will ever understand you. You’re so different.

Signed,

Everyone Not Like You

MC Hammer-U Cant Touch This(MC强强版)

2008-03-30T19:17:00.001-04:00

The argument that Asians have no rhythm just got BLOWN OUT OF THE WATER!

Enjoy.

Hollah at yo' boy!

Barbra Walters interviews Sean Connery on smackin' bitches

2008-03-30T12:36:00.002-04:00

Damn....!

I would never even dream of slapping a woman but i gotta go with Chris Rock... ' I won't hit a woman but I sure would shake the shit out of a bitch!"

No, really. We've all been there. We've all left the room to take a breather. We've all shaked our heads like..., "what the fuck?"

Sometimes retreating isn't enough. But then again... just to be fear, we men tend to be thick and to miss the point. Almost always!

The real reason behind TomKat

2008-03-26T20:53:00.001-04:00

The natural course of modern romance

2008-03-19T23:05:00.001-04:00

The Sad Truth About Relationships

Check out this show

2008-03-09T11:07:00.003-04:00

It's been a minute since I've watched Anime, but I've been digging Blood+. check out it, you'll like it as well.

sankyu achieved.

2008-03-01T19:52:00.002-05:00

This message approved by Steven Seagal.

KITT sponsors the Hoff's intervention

2008-02-26T17:15:00.001-05:00

Sad, true but funny.

Fist of Legend; Jet Li vs. the Japanese school

2008-02-19T23:07:00.001-05:00

So good, Jet Li had to get him some!

Bruce Lee VS japanese school

2008-02-19T23:02:00.001-05:00

it's just too pretty.

Thou dost protest too much...

2008-02-18T14:47:00.001-05:00

Fuck it. I'm bringing the niggah back. Yeah I said it, "Thong song... and WHAT!?!"

Love Letter written in graphic form

2008-02-18T11:29:00.003-05:00

Ever wonder what it’d be liked to strike off and do your own thing this can mean starting your own company; independent radio station, movie company… comic book. No..., really.

Brian K. Vaughn’s Escapist is a wonderful triumph of indie comix love. Your father’s just died. He leaves you the key to his greatest treasure, no not the Talmud, but rather a trove of comic book paraphernalia all dedicated to the fictional character the Escapist.

Beyond discovering the hidden legacy of your father, you begin to understand him in ways that can only help to shape an understanding of yourself.

Then your mother dies and leaves you $150.000.00 in life insurance. What do you do….? You buy the rights tot he character Escapist and set out to reintroduce the world to a great comic icon. You are Max, your boy is Denny and hot chick drawing your comic is Case. The first issue hits the stands with a bang because of a stunt gone horribly wrong yet fortunately right!

But wait, a major corporation now wants the rights back. What do you do? WWBobKaneD? Based on the characters of Joe Kavalier and Sam Clay as envisioned by Micheal Chabon, Escapists is Vaughn’s love letter to independent comic book storytellers.

It’s well worth the read and inspirational.

The Escapists
Writer: Brian K. Vaughan
Artist: Steve Rolston, Jason Alexander, Phillip Bond, and Eduardo Barreto
Cover Artist: James Jean
Genre: Crime, Action/Adventure

Chix Rox!: Persepolis

2008-02-18T10:48:00.007-05:00

Here's a rough draft of a review I'm submitting for a magazine. As soon as details and publishing [?] happens, I'll let you know.
Persepolis

Persepolis, based on the same-titled graphic novel published by Pantheon, begins with an older Marie-Jean (the French Sobriquet to Marjane] in the process of checking in at an Airport terminal in preparation for a departure. We do not know where she is taking flight from but the tone connotes a painful decision and reminiscent longing. Though unavoidable, politics is the backdrop to this bildungsroman, coming of age, story. It serves the purpose of providing a context without overriding the intimacy of a young girl’s development.

Persepolis is a visual autobiography by Marjane Satrapi, of a young woman growing up in Revolutionary Iran. In January 1978, the monarchy of the Shah Mohammed Reza Pahlavi was overturned and became an Islamic Republic under the Ayatollah Kohmeini.
Marie Jean reacts to this changing climate, at once exposed to the harsh politics and protected by her parents. At its core level this film can be described as a coming of age film where a young girl, confronted with an ever-increasing restrictive Iran is ultimately sent away to France. Young Marie jean is the archetype of the charismatic sweetly rebellious child.
During the rise of the Islamic Republic’s religious right and the requisite imposition of religious mores, young Marie Jean wears her Hijab, woman’s scarf, but also sports her carefully hand-drawn “Punk Rock Is Not Ded jacket.

While Allah plays a strong role in her life and her earliest endeavor is to become a prophet. Nightly, she converses with God. Yet, she when exposed to Karl Marx’s Dialectic Materialism Marie-Jean cannot help to make the connection, ”It was funny to see how much Marx and God looked like each other. Though Marx’s hair was a bit curlier.”
An ascendant of political thought and action Marie-Jean is no different in her childhood demonstrations. Her great Uncle Feyerdon declared himself Minister of Justice in the “newly Independent Province of Azerbiajan followed by the support her Uncle Anoosh. Feyerdon was assassinated by the Shah’s soldiers and Anoosh escaped to Russia, only to be imprisoned for trying to return home to Iran. Young Marie-Jean, upon discovering a classmate’s father was instrumental in torturing thousands of Iranians critical of the Shah set about with the aid of her friends to beat the child senseless with a fistful of nails. While the description comes off as harsh, you can only view Marie-Jean’s actions of an innocent spirited little girl reacting to injustice.

The most satisfying relationship within this film is Marie-Jean’s connection to her Grandmother. A matriarchal figure that plays prominent through Marie-Jean’s life. Her wisdom is tempered by her wit and abundant tolerance.
With the advent of animation technology, the narrative usually takes a back seat to computer gimmicks and tricked out imagery. It is refreshing to see that the aesthetics if crafted to serve the narrative and not vice versa. The look of the film is a brilliant translation of the graphic novel. The animation is simple, the story telling sparse and imaginative. Its simplicity serves the story. The graphic novel is a black and white illustrated affair with simple representative renderings. The film plays predominantly in black and white as it recounts Marie-Jean’s weary story from Iran to France and her eventual return to France. The use of color in the film is meant to delineate the visual present from its past tense.
Persepolis is a film with the heart of young girl looking out into a world filled with magic, violence, love and the sweet scent of jasmines.

Persepolis

Directed by
Vincent Paronnaud
Marjane Satrapi

Writing credits
Vincent Paronnaud screenplay
Marjane Satrapi comic & screenplay
Marjane Satrapi novel

Busting out the brushes.

2008-02-11T20:30:00.000-05:00

I'm mad wack right now and I know it. But I'm working on the skills. Check out this piece I did on my nana... grandmother [4/13/07.]

I want that job! "Now fuck you, next bitch in line!"

2008-01-13T11:46:00.001-05:00

"Whatever you do, go out there and make that money!"

Indian Sweet Child of Mine

2008-01-06T01:32:00.001-05:00

Now that's what I call music!

IT'S MOTHAF@#$IN' RAMADAN CHARLIE BROWN!

2007-12-24T16:51:00.001-05:00

"I'll let you borrow my copy of Breakin 2 Electric Boogaloo if you can put this up Peppermint Patty's Tackle Box."

Kiai Master vs MMA

2007-11-30T17:11:00.001-05:00

This is what happens when you talk too much shit!

Wei Kang Chang vs. Steven Seagal

2007-11-24T17:39:00.001-05:00

'Nuff said.

How to really use natural resources

2007-11-17T18:36:00.001-05:00

Check it out... why spend a shitload of money on expensive power peripheral products. An onion and gatorade is all you need.

Las Vegas, All late.

2007-11-14T18:29:00.000-05:00

At the end of last month I went to Las Vegas, Nevada with my boys and their respective families. A good time was had by all. Brian, Frank, Diana, Liz, Jasmine, Jesse, Remi, Ruby and Logan, you guys rock!

Mama and Papa Brite:
Hanging with the big boys:
How awesome is this picture, nothing but beautiful people!Jasmine and Jesse are high rolling gambling hustlers:
Remi: too cool for school.

Liz and the gurls:
"Honey let's move to Nevada."Supermom, Diana.Mary Jane Watson-to-be and I.

YOU KNOW we had to hit the Star Trek Experience. [Mad props to the tour guide brother that hooked us up that Monday morning. Hollah!]
Move over Kirk, you're not the only one loving the Klingon ladies.

And for the truly geek...

Vader Sessions

2007-09-28T22:09:00.001-04:00

Funny-ass-shit

Dr. Phil is a serial killer

2007-09-26T20:25:00.001-04:00

i knew that mofo had issues of his own.

POUND (a short film by Evan Bernard)

2007-09-19T18:16:00.001-04:00

this short is part gay!

Os Seminovos - Ao mestre, com Carinho

2007-09-16T08:36:00.001-04:00

get your minds outta gutter!

The Boondocks Nigga Moment

2007-09-15T21:39:00.001-04:00

Read A Book

2007-09-15T21:37:00.001-04:00

Art imitating life/life imitating Art

2007-09-08T00:38:00.001-04:00

Hawkins appreciates pop culture and so should you!

Episode 1 of the Serial Podcast is up!

2007-08-30T18:45:00.000-04:00

Check it out here: http://feed.earlwayneandchuckchuk.com/

NO, I WILL NOT COMPLY! PERIOD

2007-08-26T01:05:00.001-04:00

Now that's wassup!

I'm a Bad Muther--- Shut your mouth!

2007-08-23T00:11:00.000-04:00

Tired of being underappreciated and manipulated by powerful "others," you fight back. Though possesssing a cold, violent outside, you have a soft, scentimental inside. You love your partner, you cherish family heirlooms, and you want nothing more than to be geniunely happy -- but you don't mind having to kill a couple of nimrods who happen to clutter your path.

Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

Scrubs - Kung Fu Fighting

2007-08-22T23:46:00.001-04:00

Another fine pece of tv moment.

SCRUBS! TURK DOES THE DANCE!

2007-08-22T23:40:00.001-04:00

Now this is works.

Geeks

2007-08-12T10:21:00.001-04:00

I think the title says it all.

LOVE ACCORDING TO CHARLES BUKOWSKI. BORN INTO THIS. PART 2

2007-08-12T09:57:00.001-04:00

Some say Bukowski is a mysognist and since I dig his work, I, too, by extension hate women. Look past it the rhetoric and analyze the words and sentiment.

And I still stand by the fact that I totally loved that scene in Live Free and Die Hard. Ya'll know which one I'm talking about!

Guy Love - Scrubs Musical Episode

2007-08-12T09:50:00.001-04:00

Not much of a musical kinda guy, but this is too rich!

Profiles of people you no doubt met in college

2007-07-27T14:25:00.000-04:00

THE CLOSET ACTIVIST

TCA can find something racial or discriminating in everything. Unlike activist annie, TCA doesn’t have the courage to stand for what they believe, in front of large crowds. Resembling the facebook zombie, TCA spends countless hours searching for groups that may be the least bit offensive. TCA will join groups just to make strong, false accusations and posts. TCA may be seldom seen with activist annie to avoid association. You will never find TCA at any major demonstration.

THE PERPETUAL HANG-OUTER

This person is someone you chilled out with once or twice, and found you had a lot in common with. You run into them maybe 4-5 times a semester, usually at a party or while running late for class. No matter the situation, their characteristic response is: "Gah, we need to hang out some time. Call me, and we'll (insert mutually beneficial activity here)." You agree, but neither make any effort to call one another to hang out.

GRADE INQUIRER

The G.I. immediately has to know what grade you got on test the second you get it. G.I. will not divulge their own grade if yours was higher. If G.I. did get a higher grade, they'll offer a sympathetic shrug and let you know you did better than so and so and keep your head up.

THE 1 HIT WONDER

You will never hear this guy/girl ever say anything, whether it be to other students or the professor. Then one day, after looking extremely intense or constipated for an hour straight, they will say something so gloriously insightful that it will bring tears to the eyes of everyone who bears witness to it.

Then they will never speak again.

THE PROCRASTINATOR

This kid always procrastinates and is perpetually hurrying to finish papers or projects on deadlines. He/she work best 2-3 hrs before a deadline and are known to be b.s.-ing genius's... They always boast they procrastinate but shed years worrying about their papers!!

TOO MUCH STUFF GIRL/GUY

They have a huge backpack with every book for all their classes in it. A change of clothes, an umbrella and groceries. They are always late yet will choose the seat in the front middle next to the projector maximizing the disruption to the class.

BIOLOGICAL WEAPON

The B.W.even having a 103.2 fever will still attend class, and will spend more time in class coughing, sneezing, wheezing, blowing their nose, and sniffling than they do not making noise. While their dedication to education may be set in stone, it is advised to avoid this person like the plague, even if it means missing class to stay healthy.

THE KID THAT ****ING NO-ONE LIKES

This kid is a douche bag! And for arguments sake let’s call him “DANNY” This kid will attempt to befriend you then manage to say or do something so unspeakably rude or offer some backwards compliment. Parties disassemble whenever this *** hat manages to find his way to one.

THE ****in' Noo Yawker aka EMPIRE STATE ****

A disproportionately large number of ****in' Noo Yawkers are criminal justice, law, public administration majors. Actually from Long Island, the ****in' Noo Yawker has the uncanny talent of injecting the fact that they're from the NYC area into just about every conversation. They complain about just about every aspect of their college town, saying that it's inferior in some way to NYC. "You can't get a good bagel at 3:00 on a Sunday morning!" "The pizza here sucks!" They'll even take positive traits of their new surroundings and turn that into a negative - "The subway here in Washington is too clean! It's not a real ****in' subway like in Noo Yawk, with litter, bums, rats, the smell of piss and ****. That's real, not this sanitized Metro rail **** where they won't even let you eat a ****ing pastrami on rye!"

WALK SLOWER THAN GRANDMA PERSON

Often in groups of two or three they will stretch out in a line and walk slower than an old person with a walker. Also known to hog sidewalks force other students use the grass.

THE SUBURBAN RAPPER

The Suburban Rapper can be found in any common area, listening to his own music on his IPOD at an unreasonable volume. Generally (but not always) white, he awkwardly uses the words Dog, Crib, Homie, Phat, G, or Ill. If he spots you, he'll ask you to "peep this new track yo," or attempt to sell you tickets to his half-assed concert. His music is generally unbearable, and if you're lucky, you can get away with only hearing a few verses. He always seems surprised that his poser antics never land him a girl, or a record deal.

ACTIVIST ANNIE

Somewhat related to the man-hating feminist but has plenty more to piss her off than just men. Needs to get involved in every civil rights or ultra liberal campaign that has ever been mentioned on campus. Tries to make a cause out of every problem anybody has with authority, no matter how absurd or completely unfounded the complaint.

YOU’RE A LITTLE TOO OLD TO BE HERE GUY

Usually in the 28-32 year range, this species refuses to let go of the joys of college. Can be found on campus seven days a week, and is always present at EVERY SINGLE FRAT PARTY. Will give you some lame, shady excuse why he’s still in college, and will then befriend you so he can abuse the T1 connection in your dorm room to download porn. Most often has no friends his own age, is unemployed and still lives with his parents. Because he is older than everyone else, he will constantly criticize everyone for acting like children, but will then throw a tantrum when you won’t let him play a game of HALO. You can recognize him by his weird and outdated taste in clothing and his fondness for 80’s rock music. Usually very loud, obnoxious and opinionated in the classroom, with traits similar to that of THE EXAM BEGGER and THE INTELLECTUAL SUPERHERO.

THE EXAM BEGGER

This person cannot take a test without first begging for as much review or information as possible. They cannot prepare for a test without first knowing seemingly unimportant details like "How many questions are on this test?" They will beg for extra review sessions, extra credit, and to know the exact breakdown of how the test is scored. They will waste the whole class when a test is announced if the professor doesn't shut them up. They will also spend the entire first session of a class, when the syllabus is presented trying to make homework a much higher percentage of the total grade.

BIBLE ****

Generally starts out being the CONVERTER, straight-laced and conservative; they go to church every week and brag about that fact often. This person even has the ability to recite any and every bible verse from memory. Then THE LUCKY BASTARD or JOHNNY THREE LEGS introduces them to the marvels of SEX,and it's all down hill from there, as they descend into the foul pits of whoredom. They of course will still go to Church every week in order to keep up a facade of piety, singing the glories of baby Jesus.

THE BABYFACE

This kid graduated high school early, but doesn't really make a big deal about it. Because of this, his social skills are somewhat undeveloped, and he is quick to attach himself to social groups in order to gain acceptance. Said social groups are quick to make him the subject of their corruption projects, and take great pleasure in getting him drunk/laid/stoned for the first time.

THE AMICABLE ATHLETE

Sort of the polar opposite of the Hillbilly Gangster, the Amicable Athlete is usually about 6 foot three, weighing in at 225 pounds, and looks like Sam Jackson on steroids. Attending college on a sports scholarship, the Amicable Athlete probably works a cushy job at a car dealership, gets more tail than you can possibly imagine, is more or less constantly high on primo weed all of the time, and is smart enough to know that he's in for an easy ride and to enjoy it and throws great parties! While he might never turn pro, there's a good chance he'll get a good gig on the local AM sports radio station

THE STAREDOWN-ER

If this kid is corrected by another student on anything, no matter how wrong they were, and how right the corrector was, his wrath shall be incurred in the most passive-aggressive manner possible: Silently glowering at their new 'nemesis'. No matter if the incident occurred once, months ago, any time you look in this kid's general direction, he will still be ****ing staring at you with the hatred of a thousand warlords. Will probably lead the victim of his piercing gaze to do a number of 'Is he still ****ing staring at me?' checks.

THE WHITE RASTAFARIAN

All of his tie-dyed clothes are made from, like, pure natural hemp, man! He most likely sports an impressive set of dreadlocks and can be easily spotted as he skateboards to his next class. The White Rasta can also be found playing an odd game called 'hackey sack' along with others of his kind in any park-like area, or any place that has a couple of trees nearby, and seem to have an affinity for border collies and other shaggier members of the species canine. They also seem to possess an almost MacGuyver-like ability to create a bong from a combination of nearly any common household objects within a matter of moments.

THE NEWLY-RIPE FRUIT

This guy's gay! You see, he's only just found out and now he's got to make up for lost time. He may have had a healthy interest in sports, or board games - but no more. He tries, for the sake of decorum, to occasionally talk about things that do not directly involve his gayness, but he is unequal to the struggle and five or six minutes down the line, the increasingly one-sided conversation has shifted to his multiple **** buddies, or one of his alarmingly variegated fetishes. You see, just liking ****s isn't enough - that's not gay enough for the Newly-Ripe Fruit to truly express himself. He must round his sexuality out with public discussion of whips or chains or piss drinking, but more often than not he decides he is a furry as well, and won't let it escape anyone's notice. Possibly does more to set back the cause of tolerance than Fred Phelps ever did.

THE NURSING STUDENT

OMG BUSY! These girls (invariably) are incredibly busy with their nursing school workload. Despite this, they get **** faced constantly with their fellow nursing school students, only to wake up at 5am for their OB rotation. Often incredibly attractive, these girls typically are still attached to the same guy they knew in high school, who they will marry.

THE CAVE DWELLER

His blinds are never open. His light's never on. He lives by the light of his computer. Whenever he goes out, which is very, very rare, he squints and looks frightened, often power walking to class. He uses the internet for his lectures, and never sleeps when you do, so you can't hang out with your friends/girlfriend at your place. He's not nice, but he's not mean. He's clean, but his room's a mess. There's Mountain Dew cans everywhere. He gets average grades, and he's usually a science major, though sometimes a Lit or English major.

MUSCLES MCFLAUNTY

This individual (almost always a guy) has been lifting weights since age 4, and never lets you forget about it. He goes to the gym twice a day, wears nothing more covering than a wife beater, and constantly twitches his pecs just to get you to look at his chest. McFlaunty may or may not be otherwise annoying, but it is a known fact that he eats creatine for breakfast, lunch and dinner to increase muscle mass even further; this will result in four different cancers before he is 30. Occasionally, Muscles McFlaunty will have a lisp, in which case, laugh at him.

MRS. DEGREE

Misses degree has no real purpose in college except finding "Mr. Degree" majoring in some lucrative field such as computer programming, premed, law, or engineering. Often packed with great looks, a killer body and half a brain Mrs. Degree has no problem being a mere shadow of their wealthy husband and is always the first to brag and attempt to start "intelligent conversation" on the career of Mr. Degree. Always on the prowl, you may find Mrs. Degree befriending such characters as the Study Nazi, ****ING DISGUSTING C.S. MAJOR, and the CEO Junior.

SOCIAL DISORDER GUY

Avoided by everyone, this person possess a crippling social tic that goes completely unnoticed to him. If you're unlucky enough to be identified by social disorder guy in public, you will be followed regardless of how much of a hurry you pretend to be in. You will be forced, due to social etiquette, to engage in a meaningless and awkward conversation that will be filled with characterizations of your self image. Social Disorder Guy is completely comfortable stopping on his way to work for fifteen minutes or half an hour to fill you in on one of two things: either his roommate is moving out again or he has a new job. You have no classes with him, and you never see him except for random times during the day around your campus, yet he considers you one of his best friends. You probably are.

THE ANSWER MACHINE

This person gets it! They understand the material. They can answer the hard questions that require logical induction and they can form arguments using the material.
Unfortunately, everyone else in the class is either the Quiet, Smart Slacker or The Frat Mattress or I'm Too Important to Be Here. The professor lectures and asks a question and no one will answer. Grated by the awkward silence, The Answer Machine finally answers.

The floodgates open. From the rest of the semester onwards, the class is a dialogs between The Answer Machine and the professor interspersed with infrequent, sometimes mind-numbing comments from The Frat Mattress when she's called on and the slacker when they care. But for the most part, it's The Answer Machine. Even when they don't answer, the professor will call on them regardless of whether or not their hand is raised.

THE MEGAPHONE

This guy seems pretty intelligent and contributes with a vast amount of knowledge. Unfortunately he has got no grasp of volume at all. Will scream across the room with a content smile on his face while embarrassing the people around him. When conversing with The Megaphone you can't decide if he is constantly pulling your leg or just doesn't realize what the hell he is telling you. Does never know when to shut up but magically manages to never piss anyone seriously off.

THE GEEK PROVIDER

The provider tends to be everyone's best friend when they need something from him. Of his various requests, he spends the majority of his time lofting and unlofting bunks, or fixing people's computers. When he is not doing this, the provider is somehow nowhere to be found. For extra fun, combine THE PROVIDER with the FOREIGN SILENT CURVE DESTROYER

MR. ROTC CADET

Often seen traversing campus in fatigues, yet his pack is devoid of water, map, GPS, or other survival gear. Instead, he packs the same Biology 101, Spanish II, and English Rhetoric texts that you do. Known to major in Criminology or Criminal Justice, and may show up to 8 a.m. class in PT gear, not having had time to make it home for a shower and shave after his morning run. Placed by God on Earth to counter the ramblings of Passionate Politico with physical threats (if PP is a male) or ramblings of his own stripping PP of her human/constitutional rights (if PP is a female). Very loyal to his friends and beliefs, Mr. ROTC Cadet is generally a good guy to have as a friend, or at least an amiable acquaintance.

MR. I WORK FULL TIME

This guy uses his job as an excuse not to show up and help with group projects. He will claim that he must work all the time and therefore cannot show up for any of the group meetings. Impossible to get hold of outside of class. Generally a 50/50 shot of doing the work.

MUSIC MAJOR

One of the more rare species outside of Music Classes, Practice Rooms, and University Symphony Concerts. The MM spends 50% of their time practicing, 25% studying hard/semi-useless classes which require an A to get accepted to their low-paying major, 25% at band practices, and 25% with their music Fraternity/Sorority...is that 125%? Doesn't matter; MMs party so much that the high alcohol content in their bloodstream causes them to black out and loose that 25%. Tends to only date other music majors because "Only another MM can understand why they have to practice 3-4 hours a day". Depending on the instrument, music majors are laid back, but complain that they are working SOOO hard to eventually get a salary of <$35K a year but that "I love music SOOO much it doesn't matter". Usually makes fun of the Drama Nerd for not being "Real Musicians" and has enough Classical CD's to fill up Amazon.com.

FACEBOOK ADDICT

The Facebook Addict often makes references to who changed/added what, and who "its complicated" with who. Most of their sentences begin with "omg did u see _______ on his/her wall?" and end with "Tag it!" They check facebook every chance they get, only to get pissed when they dont have a new wall post from when they last checked it 18 seconds ago. They are amazed by those who mini-feed say they have "no recent activity" and how they have such self control. The FACEBOOK ADDICT often joins many groups and is only moments away from becoming the FACEBOOK ZOMBIE.

THE STUDIO ART MAJOR:

The S.A.M. totes around a humongous portfolios (often containing works of art only other S.A.M.'s can appreciate) manages to whack near passersby's and destroy other objects in their path. The studio major whine's about spending all their money on ridiculously expensive studio supplies, yet they have enough for a regular smoke...you know, for the stress. Unfortunately, studio courses are inhumanely time-consuming, so the S.A.M. are almost always held up in the studio labs, yet the degree is absolutely worthless, thus resulting in a downward mental spiraling of the said major students. You could spot them easily by their odd sense of "fashion", consisting of articles such as striped socks, ripped jeans and unsightly hairstyles. The best way to test if an individual is a studio arts major is to ask him/her to help you count, as most can't do math to save their lives.

INTELLECTUAL SUPERHERO

Intellectual Superhero is neither an intellectual nor a superhero, but don’t tell him that! The Intellectual Superhero is easily identified by his complete inability to allow a class period to pass by without asking at least 654 questions designed to show how "witty" and "clever" he is. He will attempt to prove the professor wrong in every class with his inane bull****, regardless of the fact that the professor has a doctorate in the field. If it’s a science course, the Intellectual Superhero will attempt to solve every problem using an alternate method, which is always incorrect. But don’t worry; he’ll still manage to waste 20 minutes of your life with his insane method of solving the problem. At least you’ll get to laugh at him when the professor proves him wrong.

THE FACE BOOK ZOMBIE

This person comes to class every single time, yet spends 100% of class time on their laptop. They believe that if one comes to class, one will somehow absorb the material telepathically from the professor. They usually are on Face book, Forums (Many are Goons) Some sort of RPG, Solitaire, you name it. The important thing, though, is that they are not paying attention to class at all, Ever. They tend to hover in the back, and have ultra quick minimizing reflexes if a lone TA should wander back there.

THE ETHNIC TREASURE

Comes from a multi-ethnic back ground, and will constantly bring this up. They will write articles in the school paper about how delightfully confused they are about not knowing which ethnic stereotypes to conform to.

THE "GARY"

Usually an unattractive guy who thinks he is a stud and acts like he is hung like a porn star. Thinks he can charm and seduce any woman by lecherously rubbing her back and give back massages while trying to undo her bra. Always touching up girls even if they give the message they are not interested, even in front of their boyfriend. But thats cool, he has a black belt in Karate so will be ready to fight off any pissed boyfriends. Carries a pair of handcuffs with him and loves to put girls through bondage in the pub even if they don't want it.

THEY LIVE AT THE COFFEE SHOP

It might be an on-campus coffee shop or one right near campus, but either way they're there. Always. The group can get quite large, but there's a core of about four people. Usually this core consists of: a fat, annoying girl; a gay guy; a theater major (male or female); and an older guy, either a grad student/limpet or a townie. This core group will invariably occupy the coffee shop's only couch; if there are more than one, they will occupy the best couch. No matter where you are in the coffee shop, you will hear them laughing, shouting, calling one another hot, singing along with the song playing on the stereo ("omigod i luv this song!!"), and erupting into a chorus of "BYEEEE's" whenever one of the group finally decides to leave.

45 YEAR OLD COLLEGE STUDENT WITH 2 KIDS

The 45 Year Old College Student with Two Kids is one of the more interesting persona's found in the college classroom. This subject has returned to school in an attempt to better her life, which is a great endeavor. However, there are a few things about this person that will make you want to punch her in the face by the end of the semester. The 45-year-old college student with two kids must write down every word the professor says. This will cause the class to be peppered with calls of "can you repeat that" approximately every 0.23 seconds. Second, she must ask the most obvious questions, preferably ones the professor has already answered.

THE FLEETING LOVEBIRDS

Comprised mainly of Freshman, these two are fresh out of high school, and are gonna be in love forever. They take all the same classes together, they've got their first apartment together, and they're inseparable. Most of the time, one of the two had the chance to a scholarship at a better school, but turned it down in the name of love. They'll sit together in class, are always the first to volunteer for group work together, and will no doubt be broken up by the end of their first year.

THE NIGHT OWL

Staying up long after you've gone to bed, a Night Owl roommate may periodically awaken you with a laughing fit after reading a Chuck Norris joke on some crappy forum or heating water in the microwave for a 3 AM cup of ramen. May be seen complaining about the lack of places open in town at 1 in the morning on Tuesday night. The Night Owl is also likely to skip morning classes.

THE GUY/GIRL WITH INHUMAN HALO SKILLS

This person doesn't have "mad skills"; Instead, there is no word in the English language that properly describes how good this ****er is with a plasma rifle or pistol. They look rather ordinary, with no unusual physical features, nor obvious personality quirks. But give em' an Xbox, and a copy of Halo, and prepare to have many recurring nightmares of what you're about to see. They quite literally can chuck a grenade at a difficult-to-reach weapon, and the explosion will launch the said weapon straight at em', as if they was pulling it telekineticaly. They knows the location of every item on every map, and knows exactly when that item is gonna respawn.

STUPID UGLY FAT GIRL

Stupid Ugly Fat Girl feels the need to enter into every single class discussion, completely disregarding the fact that she has nothing of substance to add to the conversation. Stupid Ugly Fat Girl cannot construct a sentence without using the words "like" and "um" at least 12 times for every 2 other words. She always wears clothes that are too tight, and seems partial to gaudy rhinestone shirts with incredibly original phrases such as "Princess" strewn across the front of her sagging cow tits. The only way to actually learn something in a class with the Stupid Ugly Fat Girl is to distract her attention with a shiny object.

THE ONE UPPER

This student will make it a point to one-up anything that comes out of anyone’s mouth. You study for a test for 6 hours? He studied for 10. You drank 12 beers? He drank 20. You've broken your arm twice? He's broken his 3 times. The interesting thing to note about the One-Upper is the fact that everything he says is a lie, but he has convinced himself its true.

SMALL TOWN GODDESS

Hails from some microscopic town where she maybe had 5 or 6 classmates in her graduating class, the Small Town Goddess is what is known as HOT. SMOKING HOT, in fact. Like, all-natural, blonde haired and blue-eyed 1973-ish Playboy bunny-like hotness. However, for some reason unknown to science, she somehow did not develop what is commonly known as 'Hot Chick Syndrome' and is, instead, incredibly sweet, good natured and friendly to a fault. This, naturally, causes most members of the opposite sex to be baffled by this seemingly incongruous behavior. Many a man have approached her, yet few can stand to be around her for very long. Why, you ask? The fault lies not with her, oh dear reader! Nay, the fault comes from realizing that she is honestly squeaky clean and you, by comparison, are like some filthy hobo in your soul.

JOHNNY FRAT BOY - or - SALLY SORORITY CHICK

While there’s certainly nothing wrong with being in a Greek organization, some people take their involvement in these groups a little too seriously. These are the people who can’t go 2 consecutive days without wearing their shirts from some drinking party they went to last weekend. Johnny Frat Boy likes to brag about how many beers he slammed down on Tuesday night, while Sally Sorority Chick acts as though she is too immaculate to be tarnished by your presence. In either case you shouldn’t worry about these two personality types too much because they only associate with each other. This brings me to another point: when you see these people outside of class, it is perfectly acceptable to run them over with your motor vehicle of choice.

STUDY NAZI

Study Nazi is in school for one reason: to get good grades. Unfortunately for Study Nazi, he’s not that bright and he struggles with his classes. That doesn’t stop him from letting everyone know how long he studied for that 5 question quiz though. Study Nazi, much like the Intellectual Superhero, will ask questions constantly during class. However, the Intellectual Superhero has some grasp of the material. Study Nazi, while he can quote his books and his notes verbatim, has no idea what any of it means. Under no circumstances should you approach Study Nazi outside of class. Doing so will only remind him that he’s losing valuable time that he could be using in the library and you might get hurt in his frenzied dash to get there as quickly as possible.

THE KARAOKE SUPERSTAR:

Possessing the incredible ability of knowing the lyrics to every song ever written, but unfortunately lacking the talent to flaunt it properly, the Karaoke Superstar molds every moment of their life into that of an American Idol reject. Whether it be wailing along to their favorite Nickelback song at the bar, or belting out Phil Collins in the dorm shower at 8 in the morning, the Karaoke Superstar fails to hit the right notes every time. Those in earshot will reel in horror at the audio assault, exclaiming "Oh my God, a cat fell into the blender!" or "It sounds like someone is scraping a cheese grater across 200 feet of blackboard!" The Karaoke Superstar falls under the category of "completely ignorant," believing their vocal stylings to be those of a professional. Frequently an actual Music major, mentioning their shortcomings will result in a major blow to their ego.

THE LUCKY BASTARD

An amorphous presence, he is in your class just to make you feel crappy. He doesn't try, isn't smart, and may even be a mean SOB to people, yet gets lucky breaks in grades/finding a job/getting a girl. For instance he bombs a test but the professor loses it and acknowledges he took the test and gets the class average, or finds an emotionally unstable girl who clings to him and does anything he wants regardless of how he treats her. He also will get a job because of a crappy reason like him and the recruiter like the same baseball player.

THE BALANCED GUY

They're a fairly sociable bunch with lots of common sense, and they have fairly diversified skills. These guys seldom try to draw attention to themselves but also have a healthy amount of self-esteem (Balanced Guys generally don't attack/insult people in any way unless they feel it's warranted). They're willing to learn a little about everything and can be found in places such as the gym lifting weights, or even in a kitchen working on their cooking skills... or....sometimes in their room masturbating to a wide variety of downloaded porn clips. Who knows what Balanced Guy will do next. They aren't spendthrifts, but they aren't penny pinchers, either. They play both sports and video games. When it comes to discussions of any sort, balanced guy keeps an open mind and generally takes a politically "moderate" stance.

SILENT FOREIGN CURVE DESTROYER

Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has nothing better to do than study. While the average of the rest of the class is a respectable 45%, Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has approximately a 1351% in the course, thereby totally destroying any chance you had of passing the class. Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer can be identified by the fact that he will be in the library before you get there and stay far after you've left. He will almost certainly wear the same clothing throughout the entire course, and, while he may be human, it's more likely that he's some kind of magic robot.

THE CELLPHONE TERRORIST

The Cellphone Terrorist has the capability to disrupt classes without even being present. They will leave their belongings in class as they go for a bathroom break when, suddenly, the sound of "My Humps" fills the room. Yes, that's The Cellphone Terrorists new ring tone for this week and it isn't going to stop until they return. Those unfortunate enough to be sitting beside The Cellphone Terrorist will hang their head in shame as piercing gazes are shot directly their way.

Upon return, The Cellphone Terrorist will usually check their missed calls and proceed to call said person back by means of a covert coat-over-the-head technique that they have perfected.

****ING DISGUSTING C.S. MAJOR

****ing Disgusting Computer Science Major is the reason that you don’t want to go to class. He bathes roughly once every leap year and wears the same "totally awesome" Japanese video game (the import version was so much better) shirt for half a semester at a time. No matter how far away you get from him, the stench seems to travel across the room and assault your nostrils. ****ing Disgusting Computer Science Major has no time for the English language, and he will often ask questions that make little to no sense and lack any sort of "grammatical structure." He’s the only character that can actually give Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer a run for his money on the intellectual scale, but that’s only because he was probably born with knowledge of linear algebra and differential equations.

AGENDA ASSAILER

The Agenda Assailer has (surprise!) an agenda to push on everyone else. If you’re in, say, a science class you’ll get to hear about how the scientist who discovered some principle was a racist or misogynist and therefore his scholarly work is somehow meaningless. Even though the rest of the class is just there to learn, the Agenda Assailer will attempt to turn every class into a political debate. Here’s an example from a history class:
quote:
Professor: Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence.
AA: How can you even SAY that?!?!?!?! He owned slaves!!!
Professor: Well, yes. But he still wrote it.
AA: Well then he’s a hypocrite and we should THROW OUT the Declaration of Independence!!!

THE VISIBLE MINORITY

He's the only one in your class, sometimes he makes sure that everyone knows it. Most of the time he's pretty cool tough, you just need to get to know them better. Excels at making you feel bad about random comment you make on his people.

THE ANIME FREAK

Anime Freak is somewhat of a rarity outside of computer science and/or Japanese courses. However, you still might encounter one in some humanities cores. The Anime Freak will always be wearing button down shirts with a dragon or some kind of Dragonball Z character on it. Also, anything with Japanese writing on it is always cool in the eyes of Anime Freak, even if it makes absolutely no sense. Do not approach the Anime Freak outside of class, unless you want to run into a situation like this:
quote:
You: Hey, what’s up?
AF: I think episode 185 of [insert horribly obscure anime show here] is the best because they use the Power of the Light to slay the dragon beast and save the world from total destruction!!!
You: Um… I have to go.

THE ENGINEER

One who is rarely seen without a TI-83 Plus or higher model calculator, and actually knows how to, and does, use all the functions of said calculator. Often makes jokes that one outside of the Engineering spectrum will not understand, or makes really horrible ones, or both. Example: "I'm pretty sure it was a zero-force member..." "that's what she said." Takes many science/math courses that are said to "strongly relate to core Engineering" and "provide a base for higher level courses" but in reality 99% of skills in said classes are rarely used.

MAJOR ELITIST

Major Elitist is generally some type of science or engineering major who looks down on anyone who might even think about getting a humanities or business degree. After all, we all know that the only thing that’s important is science. All that other mamby-pansy bull**** like "History" or "English" or "the world economy" is just a bunch of feel-good rhetorical nonsense anyway. Besides, any jackass can get a liberal arts degree!

NON-CONFORMIST CONFORMIST

The Non-Conformist Conformist is an interesting species. While he tries to "fight the man," he is unable to do so without conforming to another group. The Non-Conformist Conformist can be easily identified by his Rage Against the Machine or Che Guevara t-shirt and dark green corduroy pants. During the winter he will be wearing a military field coat from Germany with a patch on the side, and he often carries a wallet on a chain. You can identify him in the classroom because he’ll feel the need to share with the class his opinions of pop culture. He’ll use a condescending tone of voice because he’s better than little sheep like you. That’s all right though because whether it be the punk, goth, or any other subculture, the Non-Conformist Conformist declares boldly, "I choose to not fit in by fitting in with a DIFFERENT group!"

FASHION MONGER

Fashion Monger is on the bleeding edge of fashion! While having some nice clothes is something everyone should invest in, Fashion Monger’s entire wardrobe has been purchased from stores so hip that you've never even heard of them. Apparently, it’s "hip" and "with it" to pay 500 dollars for jeans that were hand stitched by the hardworking people of Taiwan. And, as we all know, 50 dollars for a silk-screened t-shirt is a completely reasonable price, as long as it was designed by an gay Italian man. Yes, nothing says, "I have too much money and not enough common sense" quite like buying clothes with fancy designer labels that are marked up 1000%

THE SOCIABLE SLACKER

This is the guy who went out of his way to talk to you on the first day. Was really personable, seems like a normal, social person. He even suggested trading phone numbers just in case you needed help. Fast forward to the second week of class - he's not there. Same goes for all the classes until right before the midterm when you get a call. "Hey man, what's up? How's it going? Oh yeah, I missed the last class can I borrow all your notes and photocopy them? Yeah, we should go grab a beer one day." No show again until the final where he calls you up again asking for notes. And that beer? A complete fabrication.

PARADISE LOST

Smart, sheltered kid with a childhood full of religious superstition and intimacy issues. Finally gets into a relationship (aka LAID) and gets suicidal when the breakup comes a few months later. Will either hang himself in the woods or emerge as an improved species. Flip a coin.

CEO JUNIOR III

Born to wealth and privilege and toting an ego the size of Australia, CEO Jr. III will rarely be encountered outside of econ, business and business-related courses (like the lower level computer sciences). Much like the Fashion Monger, CJ3 is fascinated by brand names and drops them wherever possible. However, instead of dropping "real" designer names, he'll brag about the cheap **** he bought from Abercrombie last week. Success is what he's aiming for, and he'll probably get there, but only through his dad’s business connections. Like the Study Nazi, he is not particularly bright, though his particular mode of achieving good grades consists of stroking the professor's ego with appropriate questions and office hours schmoozing. Like the Sociable Slacker he is unfailingly cheerful, but his cheeriness, much like everything else about him, is completely insincere. He is astoundingly successful at getting laid for reasons which are at present unknown to science. It's probably best to avoid crossing him in social circumstances since he can wield his people skills like a weapon.

THE SKIMMER

The skimmer is easy to identify. He always sits in the back of lecture halls and is usually asleep 10 minutes into class. It is not uncommon to hear The Skimmer brag about how much studying he didn't do for that quiz coming up. The Skimmer is not usually found in higher level courses.

THE SCOUT

The Scout is always in lecture before you. Even if you show up five minutes early. The Scout will use his backpack, notebook, textbook, or anything larger than a piece of paper to cordon off the entire front row for his or her friends, who show up five minutes after the class has already started.

THE PHANTOM

A completely unremarkable student in every way, THE PHANTOM shows up for classes, does the work, and... that's it. You will never see THE PHANTOM outside of class - Existing on his sheepishness and fueled by his silence, even if you live next door to THE PHANTOM you'll never hear a word of him, sometimes can be combined with ****ing Disgusting Computer Science Major for a truly wholesome experience.

FORMER MILITARY SERVICEMAN

"Well, when I was in Iraq ..."
And basically media misrepresentation is the cause of virtually everything bad in society these days.

VALLEY GIRL

Women who appear to be made entirely from bronzed plastic, with lips glossy enough to successfully buff the floor of a shopping mall. Don't bother remembering any of their names, as one valley girl is completely indiscernible from the next. Often seen courting Ugly *******s.

JOHNNY THREE LEGS

Usually an average-looking, somewhat lanky guy, Johnny Three Legs is extraordinary on one respect: his ten inch penis. Flaccid. How do you know? Well, he's the guy that faces towards everyone else in communal showers. In dorms with individual showers, he dries himself off in public areas, and spends just a bit more time naked than other residents, who usually whip on a towel before they even draw the curtains open. Pity his poor roommate, usually a lonely computer science major that is still a virgin, who is kept up awake at nights from the cries of Johnny Three leg's dates - "Ouch! That hurts! Ungggnmph! Oh yeah ... yes ... God ... OUCH! Let's try it another way .... yes ... oh God ... oh Jesus ... OUCH!"

MADDEN JR.

This student's life revolves around sports. He can quote sports scores, character stats, and just about anything from some obscure game last week. Not only did he watch it, he studied it while his classmates were studying for that quiz he failed. He usually arrives in class approximately 10 minutes late wearing his favorite sports team hat and jacket, only to talk about sports for the entire class. Interestingly, the Madden Jr. rarely, if ever, has any athletic ability of his own, and is often obese due to a diet consisting entirely of nachos.

THE PREMED

The pre-med has a 4.0 cumulative GPA and has junior standing even though he's a first semester sophomore. He's got a >90 average in every class this semester, but is absolutely terrified that he's going to fail them all. Can often be heard making wild assumptions about grading schemes and arguing with the TA over 0.25 point deductions on exams.

BRING ME UP, KNOCK ME DOWN

He is always there to help. Whatever jam you have yourself in, he will, with ease, find a way to pull you out. However, he will do so with so much reluctance, he makes it sound as though Sisyphus (look it up) had an easy go of things. He will passive aggressively start conversations about what a drag it is being the designated driver, only days after he drove your drunk *** home.

He is the infinite conundrum of friendship. He is always there for you. Unfortunately he is always there.

BABBLING IDIOT

This kid is sort of like intellectual superhero except that he's not really out to prove a point through questions, but rather through his personal experiences. He is in class to spill as many anecdotes as he can possibly think of, which, for the most part, only relate to the subject at hand tangentially. His diatribes are voiced in an overly sincere tone, which I'm sure he believes makes his stories sound more real, true to life, and hard hitting. Amazingly, his stories always tend to agree with the professor's point of view.

THE WANNA BE COMPUTER GEEK

They can be found in groups often discussing old internet fads while downloading songs and files from P2P networks. Often annoying to the people around them. Will shout out "LOL INTERNETS" at random times and you can hear some old techno songs in the background.

THE COMMENTER

Tends to occupy the center of the room for maximum visibility. Always nods along with the professor. Provides his/her own commentary, largely to herself, during lecture while jotting down notes. Most commonly uttered phrases are variations of: "Oh yeah", "Exactly", "Well, that's interesting".

Example:
Prof.: DNA is blueprint for life.
Comm.: [Nod] [Nod] Uh-huh. Well, ain't that something

VACATION GUY

This guy didn't want to go to college in the first place, but did because he didn't want to disappoint his parents and teachers by not trying. So he picked a party school, never went to class, and treated the whole thing as a $40,000, year long, spring break away from ****ty middle class suburbia. Then disappeared to a distant part of the country never to be heard from again.

THE BLONDE ASIAN TAMER

Female in a science degree who probably shouldn't be. However, due to chemicals she emits from her hair, holds sway over Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer or other male Asian students who do her beck and call. Part hive mind, part parasite. Identify by remarks like "This stuff is so hard, Haji, you're so smart" or "What did you get for number 1?". Usually a sub-species of Sally Sorority Chick

The PASSIONATE POLITICO

Whatever wing of the political bird he resides within he'll be damned sure to inject his angry rhetoric and sound bites into any classroom conversation regardless of topic. Often twitchy you can spot an outburst before it happens by looking for a grimaced mouth, spasming eye, tapping foot or softly pounding fist (because he thinks no one will notice), then out comes the insanity.

MR. UNCERTAINTY

Mr. Uncertainty isn't really that bad a guy to have class with, as he's virtually guaranteed never to disrupt the class proceedings. Even when the teacher asks him a question directly, he'll attempt to deflect it through a magical combination of stuttering, fumbling, and vague sentences that trail off in the middle. He probably doesn't take very good notes, but he's there every day in hopes of making up for the fact. He probably has at least two majors and a third concentration that he's considering, but it's all perpetually up in the air since he doesn't really know what he wants to do. Because of this, you'll almost never see him in an advanced-level class, since he's always going back and satisfying the core requirements for a different major.

PROFESSOR CORRECTOR

This student loves to volunteer class time to correct the professors' menial mistakes. Did he say 90% instead of 85%? Was he off an important date by a year? The Corrector will grab this opportunity immediately. Does the textbook back up the professor? Well that's wrong too! The whole world is filled with misinformation, and only this noble lad can spend 20 minutes setting the professor straight as everyone silently whispers "I HATE YOU." They may be a student, but they already years ahead of the class.

OBNOXIOUS CAR DRIVER

Pulling out of the parking deck at the speed limit while letting pedestrians cross will not fly while the OCD is around. Loud tire screeching, revving, horn honking, and blasted music must be accompanied at even the slowest street. They will outrace and outmaneuver vans in 20 mph zones. They will rev their engine to make sure they reach the stop sign 20 feet away fast enough. Their car is modified to maximize every scrape, screech and scratch to its highest volumes. If it's not unnecessarily loud, they are not driving.

DRAMA NERD

Often found roaming (or more often loafing) in packs of 4 to 7, the drama nerd is best known for not shutting the **** up ever and oh god i mean ever regarding new musicals, old musicals, how non-theater majors are intellectually devoid of any redeeming quality, who got cast where, etc. The drama nerd is mostly self-delusional, and if one is to ask it about it's past, the response often involves "well you know I just had the WORST time in high school i mean nobody understood me there but when I got to college I just felt like a BUTTERFLY, able to finally open my creative WINGS" and other such inane metaphors. The Drama nerd does, somehow, get laid all the goddamn time, but only by other Drama nerds, resulting in chain-reaction mega-drama-bombs that will certainly resonate throughout the school because these losers will not shut up about how Johnny Actor face "TOTALLY USED ME" at high volumes in the library during finals week. Somehow possessing both the largest and smallest reserve of self-confidence of any college student simultaneously, ladies and gentlemen: the Drama Nerd.

THE CONVERSATIONALIST

You'll find this one at the back of the class, and they tend to travel in herds. She spends all semester having conversations with the people around her, that have absolutely nothing to do with the class, usually pertaining to her boyfriend, a movie she just saw, or a party she was at/plans to attend. Completely ignorant of the people around her who are actually trying to pay attention to the lecture in a typically difficult subject. Another common trait of The Conversationalist is her apparent lack of any sort of school supplies (including pens, pencils, paper, and the freaking textbook) Sociologists have theorized that this is a subconscious ploy designed to draw more people into The Conversationalist's tangled web of distraction.

THE FACULTY MEMBER

This is a student who has become very involved and uses his major as a replacement for a social life. He may, or may not work in the department office, but you'll see him wandering around the office anyway, chatting up the actual faculty. Maybe having lunch in the waiting area. He's only annoying when you actually have a class with him and he takes on the role of a teaching assistant.

THE JACKASS OF ALL TRADES

This man is seemingly adept in all subjects, and will boast about it too. Hear him complain about how easy his last Abstract Algebra exam was, how he wrote his African paper two hours before its due and how little he prepared for his sociology presentation. His weakness is poor social skills. Ask about his girlfriend for massive emotional baggage!

PHILOSOPHER STONER

Easily identifiable by his red eyes, incoherent speech, and the lingering stench of marijuana, the philosopher stoner may or may not be a member of NORML, and probably won't go to class very often. On the off chance that he actually attends a class, god forbid the professor mention anything related to drugs, because suddenly the philosopher stoner will turn into a walking, talking version of erowid.com.

Homenum revelio! Anyone left alive?

2007-07-24T21:06:00.000-04:00

JK Rowling is a serial killer!

I’ve just finished the final installation of the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and I have to say it was a really good read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Rowling capped of the series in a grand action packed style. It read like a mindless Jerry Bruckheimer film [Armageddon], minus the mindlessness.

I’ll be easy on the spoilers because some of you may not have yet read the book. Know that Rowling was surely using her Deathstick. Muggles, wizards, elves and goblins, nothing was spared a quick but endless visit beyond the veil.

For all my Potterheads out there, I know you scooped it, give me a holla when you're done reading it.

And if you're into modern day spin on writers fighting the question of art vs. comerciality mixed with some vulgar proclivities, tortured self abuse and a little Charles Bukowski thrown in check out the new Showtime series Californication starring David Duchovony.

Volcanus the Couch Guy

2007-06-24T18:06:00.000-04:00

We had mission GO! this last Friday. It was Jamal’s bachelor party and we got him prepared,
He wasn't too happy about it but we were:
As Jamal objects to ...
We had a non-objectification of women bachelor party. The overarching theme to what amounted to a lovable roasting of herr comic book genius was Bizarro and the desacration of Superman.

We learned alot about Jamal, some of which can be shared with the world, like:

1. he spent 6 months as "that couch guy" on the circle
2. he's been named many times:
i. volcanus
ii. couch dude
iii. fluffy lips
3. he snores sounds like rapid semi-automatic tank munitions.
4. he spent many years on the run... what we term as the lost years.
5. he likes his ladies three sheets to the wind [fiance notwithstanding]

Check out the images, they speak for themselves.

The opening toast.
A John Gulager angle on the row of Jameson shot glasses with an excited Anindya. [You reality t.v. geeks oughta know John Gulager, think Feast.]
Jamal assuming his regular position.And then we roasted!
SUCCESS!

Later night drunk fine dining!

Jamal's you're a great sport. Take comfort in the knowledge that you never had a choice.

Thank all you guys who came Friday, it was great seeing you all and we had a wonderful time. Stay tuned for the Wedding That Would Not Die!

Finding Forever

2007-06-03T12:47:00.000-04:00

Just finished listening to the new Common album, Finding Forever. It's tight and righteous and picks up where Water for Chocolate left off. Peep it. I vibed most with the tracks The People and Maybe Black.

Southside of the Chi: "lean with it, rock with it, black like the disciples,/know when the use the bible and when to use the rifle/you rap like you should be on the back of a motorcycle!/"

-Come on, that was too nice. Or to quote my dumb-ass students: "Yo, that shit was hot-to-def, yo!"

Nuptial of the Nerds!!!!!

2007-06-02T18:43:00.002-04:00

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. There was so much energy after the Comic Con and then personal tragedy struck. A death in the family, in fact the family matriarch. I shut down in a manner of speaking. The grieving process continues in my own pathological manner; but today I want to focus on a little bit of beauty.

Went to a close friend’s wedding last week, actually two of those motherfuckers I know from High School got married: Gene and Russ. Coincidentally they no longer speak to one another and chose not to invite each other to their weddings. Ironies of ironies, the wedding were 100 miles and 24 hours apart. They were both really great ceremonies and the receptions were more fitting to each other’s personalities. Jeanne and gene had a huge lavish party at hall befitting a poor sultan, with us dancing up a storm, where I must add the De Cicco clan does not fuck around when it comes to the dance floor. Hollah! Russell’s wedding was very cultured, sensible and rooted in tradition. It was weird watching a well-scrubbed Russ and I do mean well-scrubbed macking his wife every so often. I mean full tongue suction action, I’m buying him and Jessica a spittoon for Christmas, I mean Hanukah!

At one point during Gene’s wedding I got social shell-shocked and needed a break. It’s my nature to flee large gatherings after too much exposure to people. [I’m allergic to humanity.] I took a walk, along the way dragging an iron lawn chair and looked on at the shooting water works in the center of the man made lake. Three weeping willows with bright white garland string lights served as my night sky. I sat there a good minute and released self for as long as I could. The Breakfast Club is all but married out, with James and myself as the holdouts. As the theory goes James is gay so that makes me half gay. As James owns a hard drive on the brink of self-destruction because of his big-ass Brazilian girls fetish and the fact that I don’t like cock! Destroys that ever-revolving rumor. I can’t speak for Zaccheo but I’m Ronin. Hai! May haps one day. But not today, nor tomorrow will see me saddled. I’m going to follow a good friends advice: put your head down, do your art, play it out. Whatever happens happens, either way you’re involved with creation.

Congratulations you motherfucking fucks!

The eightfold path and all that good stuff

2007-03-18T02:17:00.000-04:00

It's been a minute since I've posted but sometimes life interferes. Suffice to say things have been moving and I've been productive despite a series of minor and not-so minor hiccups along the way. In recognition of my particular brand of life philosophy and the path we flow through life, i'm getting some new ink. here's a rough:

I'll post the finish product upon it's painful completion.

Dos-double-"O"-Seven

2007-01-15T15:29:00.000-05:00

Mahalo Peoples. Hollah at your boy in the '07. I just wanted to give you all a quick shout-out and let you know about some of the shizer happening for his year. There are alot of changes and new practices on the horizon.

Besides searching for the perfect cup of tea, I've relaunched my defunct creative aspirations. A brother's getting busy with a capital "B" so be on the look-out for occasional announcements.

The first being that I'll be at the New York Comic Con pedalling my wares, namely the Mighty-Mighty Adventures of Earlwayne and ChuckChuk as well as shopping around some other projects. I have alot of shizzle in speculative developmentright now, all mainly speculative narrative. Some violent, others not so violent. [Yes, there are a few love stories, a la Keith, coming down the pike. Fathers... hide your daughters. Muhahahaah!]

I'm beating the keys in a desperate attempt to join the reviled yet accepted nom de guerre of those selective group of writers, "shcmucks with underwoods!" Keep posted faithful fans, same bat time-same bat-channel.

United 93: Propaganda or feel good movie prelude to the summer Id fueled fluff season?

2006-04-29T17:10:00.000-04:00

Everyone has an “I was… the morning of 9/11” story, each and every single New Yorker’s narrative of that day is vital and important. Paul Greengrass’ United 93 is an insider’s diary to the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA). From that perspective it is technical, engaging, revealing, shocking and emotional. To the extent that it depicts the heroic assault of United Flight 93’s passengers against four fundamentalist terrorists, its very questionable and reeks of propaganda, however clever and engaging, propaganda nonetheless.
A catastrophic event like 9/11 can not be dovetailed with an array of conspiracy theories, chief among them the belief that the Bush Administration orchestrated the attacks or armed with the knowledge of pending attacks [as of PDB reports dated August, 2001, when “W” was on vacation] sat back and allowed 3,000 New Yorkers to die to solidify its power structure. Less you forget Bush’s first domestic operation Enduring Freedom, which sought to have Americans buying buying buying; less we not forget the tens of millions of dollars given to Red States to combat terrorism as opposed to the three year NY State battle with the Federal government to get [promised] crucial funding. Many Americans questioned the crash of Flight 93 in a barren Pennsylvania strip mere minutes outside of the metropolitan.

Collateral damage on the part of the US military to avoid further structural damage, possible! Would the American public forgive the harsh [perhaps necessary] destruction of a commercial airplane by Air Force F-17s, probably NOT! Could the story of the brave heroic fight to gain the cockpit to Flight 93 ending in the crash been constructed to ameliorize the American public…. Uh conceivable!

Doubt my cynicism, see the agitprop for yourself!

Fuck Parker Bros. when we've got the Shrub!

2006-04-23T10:38:00.000-04:00

Aikidoka Miller

2006-03-12T10:42:00.001-05:00

Seagal. Love 'im or hate 'im, you gotta love his form.

I've been studying Aikido for a long minute with no true goal nor personal expectation. I convinced myself I was comfortable simply studing the art of passive resistance... "The way of Harmony with Universal Energy. " I'm a quick impulsive study, I would very quickly learn the techniques but have not aquired any sort of form. By form..., I mean posturing, correct timing, peace. Timing and posturing is simple; that requires daily practice. Peace on the other hand..., that's difficult. Very few of us are ready for peace or disciplined enough to still our busy minds. Maybe its the hubris of youth, the facade of immortality, the surburban conditioning that the world we live within is ordered and spontanteous violence is abherrant. And by violence I mean human and environmental violence. I would practice daily with no goal in mind.
Then one day I realized instead of being organic with my practice I was cheating myself. With no goals of excellence set forward, I saw no path. So I've decided to take my practice serious. As a byproduct result i've begun testing. I view kyu tests as sign posts not destinations. I'm walking now.

domo arigato gozaimashita.

Keith's 34th Year on God's Green Earth

2006-02-26T12:25:00.001-05:00

2006 Birthday. A bullshit Retrospective.

I have advanced by one year to the date of my death. YEAH! It’s been an interesting ride thus far, like the old Kools cigarette advertisements used to exclaim, “baby you’ve come a long way.” It got me thinking about my dumb-ass cracked crew of drool dribbling mongoloids.

The A&D gang still riding strong. We were the original and quite literal breakfast club. We all survived the Eighties. Brian got rid of the flock of seagulls, Yamil discarded the muffin, Russell tried to shrug off the Dark Knight. James, well he hadn’t gotten rid of the Hair Metal look and gut until ’98. Me., well not much has changed, I still alternate between no hair and too much hair and not combing it either way. [I call it the black Christopher Walken look]. We’d stretched the gaming limits with some of the most advance computer systems. [Remember when 16 bit was the shit?]. Come on…, we owned at least an Atari 2600 or Coleco-vision.

Remember the serious discussion on the origin of Snake-eyes and the groundbreaking realization that Storm Shadow was his brother? Or how about the clever ways in which Mad Murdock always figured out a way to get BA Barrackus on the plane. Or the fact that Face Man’s AK-47 never managed to kill anyone? What about Bruce LeRoy, remember him? Now that was HOT! But not as hot as Shonuff! No to be confused with Shogosuki Rememeber how we all owned a pair of foam rubber nunchucks [pronounced nunchookas. whatever!].

Then something special happened… the discovery of porn. We moved from one form of geekness to another. You had your regular print and then the ever-coveted glossy coated. Talk about being consumed. Then of course the real thing surfaced, we dropped our brushes and began chasing after the craziness that is woman. Monster had it right… the Internet is for porn. It’s a good thing we didn’t have the Internet in High School or else we’d never get any artwork done. Thankfully, were all a little more mature.

Fast forward to 1990? That was a year of angst, impatience, expectation and extreme optimism for the future. We’d all broken off to attend F.I.T., SVA, Purchase, N.Y.U., and a lucky few… Cooper Union, Parsons and last but not least Brooklyn’s own Pratt University. We were going to revolutionize our respective chosen art fields in comics, illustration, film, fashion, graphic and package design, oh… and anthropology.

Despite our different schools, studies, our fucked up lives still intersected. We’ve all developed our houses, created families and moved on. Some of us stayed the course and live enriched creative lives; others have gone astray and trying to find our way back to creativity. Whether we’re doing asst. super-ing, super security-ing, supposedly teaching, porter-ing, permalancing, teddy bear drawing when you wanna be X-Men drawing, or just plain doing nothing. the only constant has been our continued interaction and support. Does it matter that we only see one another two or three times a year? it's a given if anyone needs anything from anyone of us then they got it. No questions asked. [Unless it's 3o'clock in the morning, you're dripping blood on the welcome mat and we can hear muffled whimpering sounds coming from your trunk.]

I’m one of those morons searching for creativity again. I think I lost it somewhere between law school and Bronx Housing Court.It's hard to get back into that framework; to try and capture 15 years and to fight the opposite desire to stop the creative work because your hands can't draft your mental image. I’ve picked up my brush again. And I’m back at the keyboards trying to craft interesting yet FUCKED-UP stories.
"See you on the other side, Ray!"

Keith's 34th Year on God's Green Earth

2006-02-26T12:25:00.000-05:00

2006 Birthday. A bullshit Retrospective.

I have advanced by one year to the date of my death. YEAH! It’s been an interesting ride thus far, like the old Kools cigarette advertisements used to exclaim, “baby you’ve come a long way.”

The A&D gang still riding strong. We were the breakfast club. We’d all survived the Eighties. Brian got rid of the flock of seagulls, Yamil discarded the muffin, Russell tried to shrug off the Dark Knight. James, well he hadn’t gotten rid of the Hair Metal look and gut until ’98. Me., well not much has changed I still alternate between no hair and too much hair and not combing it either way. [I call it the black Christopher Walken look]. We’d stretched the gaming limits with some of the most advance computer systems. [Remember when 16 bit was the shit?]. Come on…, we owned at least an Atari 2600 or Coleco-vision.[Notice no jpegs of the Coleco system so you know where I camped my tent.]

Remember the serious discussion on the origin of Snake-eyes and the groundbreaking realization that Storm Shadow was his brother? Or how about the clever ways in which Mad Murdock always figured out a way to get BA Barrackus on the plane. Or the fact that Face Man’s AK-47 never managed to kill anyone? What about Bruce LeRoy, remember him? Now that was HOT! But not as hot as Shonuff! No to be confused with Shogosuki Rememeber how we all owned a pair of foam rubber nunchucks [pronounced nunchookas. whatever!].

Then something special happened… the discovery of porn. We moved from one form of geekness to another. You had your regular print and then the ever-coveted glossy coated. Talk about being consumed. Then of course the real thing surfaced, we dropped our brushes and began chasing after the craziness that is woman. Monster had it right… the Internet is for porn. It’s a good thing we didn’t have the Internet in High School or else we’d never get any artwork done. Thankfully, were all a little more mature.

Fast forward to 1990? That was a year of angst, impatience, expectation and extreme optimism for the future. We’d all broken off to attend F.I.T., SVA, Purchase, N.Y.U., and a lucky few… Cooper Union, Parsons and last but not least Brooklyn’s own Pratt University. We were going to revolutionize our respective chosen art fields in comics, illustration, film, fashion, graphic and package design, oh… and anthropology.

Despite our different schools, studies, our fucked up lives still intersected. We’ve all developed our houses, created families and moved on. Some of us stayed the course and live enriched creative lives; others have gone astray and trying to find our way back to creativity. Whether we’re doing asst. super-ing, super security-ing, supposedly teaching, porter-ing, permalancing, teddy bear drawing when you wanna be X-Men drawing, or just plain doing nothing. the only constant has been our continued interaction and support. Does it matter that we only see one another two or three times a year? it's a given if anyone needs anything from anyone of us then they got it. No questions asked. [Unless it's 3o'clock in the morning, you're dripping blood on the welcome mat and we can hear muffled whimpering sounds coming from your trunk.]

I’m one of those morons searching for creativity again. I think I lost it somewhere between law school and Bronx Housing Court.It's hard to get back into that framework; to try and capture 15 years and to fight the opposite desire to stop the creative work because your hands can't draft your mental image. I’ve picked up my brush again. And I’m back at the keyboards trying to craft interesting yet FUCKED-UP stories.

The Antibotic: John Trudell

2006-02-25T17:15:00.000-05:00

John Trudell is an Americau hero…, yes you read correct! Joseph Bruchac, Abenaki, theorizes that the country’s moniker America is derived from the Mayan word Americau loosely translated to the land of the many winds. Trudell rides those winds, he’s straddled both human paths from his early days as a militant spokesman for the American Indian Movement [AIM] to his seamless though painful transition into a progressive performance artist. I attended a screening of the film Trudell.
Trudell has spent his life advocating for social change within American society; he’s beyond political action calling for a personal transformation, for people to recognize their humanity. By recognizing your humanity and connection to humankind and the interdependent relationship we have with one another and the dependent relationship we have with Earth, then all political abstracts will fall by the wayside. and we will focus on actively participating within our respective biosphere and maintaining our environmental carrying capacity.
Like Fox Mulder we must fight the future. Militarism, Classism, Sexism these are all linked to the idea of power but there is no power. It’s about authority, the need to control and impose a presence of control. But again, Trudell explains this is just a façade. An abstract. There is no control, just the threat of violence. And then violence. In February, 1979, twelve hours after burning the American Flag in protest to the U.S. government’s abuse of authority in front of the FBI building, a mysterious fire killed his mother-in-law, his wife and two children. The threat of violence followed by violence.
Trudell speaks in metaphysics. Democracy is an Abstract. Authority is an abstract. Control is a disease. Trudell is an antibiotic. He speaks to how we may become antibiotic to the anti-biotic abstract of oppressive systems. We would do well to listen.

Jamal Igle: icon or iconmaker

2006-02-23T18:25:00.000-05:00

Jamal Igle. Comic Book artist or inspiration for Norwegian painter Edvard Munch? Could it be? Was the mysterious Igle somehow a vehicle for expressing the human condition of despair? I daresay NO! He's the up and coming comic art sensation, back from slaying the French with L' Armee des Anges to revamping DC's Firestorm. With Jamal's quick fire wit, striking good looks and flexible wrist he's a triple threat! Forget Seth Green, Jamal's A & D's comic art Vinnie Chase. Let's all join his entourage [so to speak.]

Cultural Excursions

2006-02-22T23:10:00.000-05:00

Checked out the Edvard Munch Exhibition at the MOMA today. It was great, I was transported back to my early days at Art and Design when I'd cut school and spend the day in the museum [an art school id always comes in handy with alert security guards] wandering the corridors trying to appreciate art. Who knew back then I'd have to live a little to understand what I was viewing. Staring at the Night in St. Cloud, 1890, made me realize just how much I need to live much more. Munch's work forces you to be instrospective and question the validity of your life. Sketches to follow soon.

The sanctity of marriage has been reduced to a contract!

2006-02-21T15:02:00.000-05:00

My Contracts Law professor got it right, marriage is a contract and this dumb bastard had the congealed nutsack to lay it all out.

Read and throw up: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html

Houston we have contact!

2006-02-21T11:49:00.000-05:00

Alright! Here it is... the vapid neonarcissitic ramblings of a madman with the sexual stamina of a fruit fly. BZZZZZ. BZZZZZ. BZZZZZ.